Regrets and Encouragement

There are regrets I have in my life and I am thankful for the grace of God and my husband as well.  He was a chaplain in the Air Force and would deal with people who were walking through very difficult events in their life. When he came home at night, I loved to greet him at the door or at noon I would meet him on base and go to lunch with him. He always made me feel like that was the best part of his day, coming home and spending time with me.  

There is one particular thing that I did that I wish I could go back and change. Politics always interested me but in the last five years (maybe more) of our life together, I became a political "junkie" of sorts. I was pretty bad. I am one who loves to sew and quilt and as I would be working on some quilt or creation, I would often listen to "Talk Radio". I would get all engrossed in the big major political event or build-up to the next election and it filled my thoughts. It embarrasses me now to think of it. (I believe we need to know what is happening but I was over the top). Anyone who was my close friend or family member at that time will remember getting the latest political news or tidbit from me, always trying to keep everyone informed about the latest breaking political story.  

I would tell Lonnie the latest news as we reviewed our days together, "Did you hear so-and-so did this or said this?" Lonnie was not able to tell me many of his stories and conversations because he was a chaplain and there is the confidentiality issue. I remember Lonnie saying tenderly that I might be spending too much time on politics and that I was taking up many hours of my day worrying about things that I could not change. He encouraged me to pray and write letters and support causes I believed in but thought I should not invest so much time to it. He was right.  

So now I want to bring you up to this past week. I spent time with a precious young lady who is walking through great anguish and difficulty. She asked if she could come and meet with me. I was at work and I love having my Bible on my phone but I needed to have a "real" Bible, one where I could turn the pages and look for verses. My Bible was at home so I ran downstairs to my friend's office where there was a small pile of Bibles in the Lost and Found. I quickly picked up a Bible and carried it back upstairs.  

When I opened the front cover of the Bible I saw these words: Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I was needing encouragement. I desired and prayed that I would be able to share something that would bring comfort and strength to this beautiful young woman. 

I was stunned.  This is why. After Lonnie died, my son Jeremy went to my husband's office in Germany and he "randomly" picked up one of Lonnie's Bibles. When Jeremy opened the front cover of the Bible, the only verse that was referenced in that particular Bible was Isaiah 41:10. This was unusual because Lonnie usually referenced many verses on the front and back pages of his Bibles. Jeremy shared this verse at the Memorial Service they had for Lonnie in Germany and it has been a verse of promise for me over these past years of heartbreak and sorrow.  

By finding this Bible with this particular verse written clearly in the front, I knew God had just encouraged me in a way that would be very meaningful to me and I, in turn, would be able to bring His encouragement to this dear friend. This verse all by itself brings me more courage and strength than I could imagine and I prayed that it would minister to my sweet friend as well, more than any words I could have ever put together on my own.

You may wonder why I started with my regrets and then ended with God's encouragement. I am just thankful that God met me with words that would help me on my journey and asked me not to be dismayed (by politics or life events) but to know that He is with me and will strengthen and help me. So, I wish that I could have been more like Jesus when it came to my focus during that period of my life in the years prior to Lonnie's passing. I know God forgives me for using up so much time on things that could weigh me down and distract and He promised that if I "confess my sins He is faithful and just to forgive my sins" (1 John 1:9).  

I remember Lonnie saying to me once and, honestly, it makes perfect sense to me now, "I remember meeting that sweet little carefree girl from Montana. I just don't want you to be burdened down by the cares of the world." Lonnie was right. It's amazing how a drastic event in your life can bring such clarity.  

My prayer is that I will be an encourager and that I will fill my heart and mind with things that really can bring help and courage to others. I am thankful that God is our Awesome Encourager! The Best!  

Major Marshall

In early March my little puppy was born and Marshall came home to live with me eight weeks later. He is so funny and cute! When I first tried to take him for a walk on a leash, he was like a little marionette on a string, just kind of flopped around. He has certainly found his strength now as I try to teach him to walk beside me. He is getting big and strong.  

I am thankful for my Marshall. He helps teach me life lessons. Walking with him right now is a challenge. I, like Marshall, need to learn to walk with my Master and not try to pull ahead or drag behind, but learn to trust my Savior that His way is best.  Marshall trusts me to provide his daily food and water and he loves to play and spend time with me. Today I was playing the piano and he was just sitting at my feet chewing on his toy. He enjoys spending time with me and my family. (He needs to not jump up on us but he is still just a puppy)!

So, I am learning little lessons from this dog who keeps getting bigger and bigger everyday. I snapped this picture one day when I was having my devotions. Marshall was trying to get right up on the swing with me and get as close as possible. Another lesson: I want to get as close as possible to my Master as well. I know I can be a challenge at times to my blessed Redeemer. I am thankful for his patience and love.  

PS:  Marshall also is helping me to be a better neighbor. I have met so many of my neighbors and random people as I take my doggie for walks. They tell me all kinds of things which totally amazes me. Marshall, you're a keeper!  

The Lions We Face

In the earliest century A.D., Christians were cast before lions for their faith. I was wondering, what are the lions that we face today? Some Christians do face death in different parts of the world as they profess their faith in Jesus Christ. We would never want to deny our God and our Savior Jesus Christ if faced with such a severe testing.

But, what kind of lions do we face? The lions that could cause us to turn from our faith because we cannot believe what is happening to us. The "If God is good, how could He let this happen?" kind of events in life that can shake us to our core.  

Disappointment and unbelievable grief can cause a person to wonder and seek for reasons and explanation. But you know something that has helped me when facing difficult times and utterly despairing moments (our "lions" that would devour us and try to destroy our faith)? Knowing that God is with me. It is His promise that He would never leave us or forsake us even when we are standing before the "lions" of our life, feeling exposed and helpless. He is with me. I may be shaking but I will not be shaken.  

The story of Job brings us amazing insight. Job was in the arena and he didn't know it. There was a divine drama going on. Job had an audience: God and the enemy of his soul. As Job asked question after question of God, God let him do just that. Job asked questions including "Where are you, God?" and "Why is this happening?".

God never answered one of Job's questions. Instead He had some questions for Job. He asked him, "Were you there when I laid the foundations of the earth? Were you there when I created the stars? Have you ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to rise in the east? Were you there when I made the oceans and set the tide in motion? Have you visited the storehouses of the snow? Were you there when....?"  

And Job's friends, who tried to find blame somewhere in Job's life or character, were instructed by God to have Job pray for them. Sometimes the reason things happen are unexplainable. Job's wife said, "Curse God and die." Oh my! Job didn't. He did not turn from his God even though He had questions which God did not answer except with questions of His Own.

God illustrated to Job that he could not explain the physical world so how would he be able to understand the unseen world. Psalm 119:68 says "He is good and does good. It is better for me to put my faith in Him than in my own ability and my evaluation of the situation." Job answered the Lord in chapter 42 and said, "I know that You can do anything and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You ... Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me which I did not know." 

In the difficult and trying times of our life, we may not know why things have happened. Our questions may not be answered but the most important thing we can do is be in fellowship and relationship with our God. 

Trust in Him, rely on Him and stand firm. God is here with us. He will never fail. We may not understand, we don't understand, but remember His questions that we, like Job, cannot answer:  "Were we there when He .....?"   

He is here with us at all times and He promises to be near to the brokenhearted. We are not alone when we face the "lions" in our life. 

A Lesson from Ruby

Ruby and Granmommy

I was driving to the airport to pick up Jen and her girls when I started to think of the days I had just spent with Tiffany. I went to be with Tiffany and Zach and was so happy to be there to welcome home their new little baby girl, Lily Clementine. The past days had been so sweet and what a privilege it was to play and take care of Isaiah and little Ruby, Lily's big brother and sister. I was excited that Jen and the girls were going to get to meet Lily and be with their cousins too.  

Sweet Lily Clementine

Ruby is a joyful little one and is such a huge blessing to our family. She has physical challenges due to cerebral palsy. One of their therapy goals is to help her gain strength in her little neck. At times her head falls forward to her chest and Tiffany says, "Ruby, where are you?" Ruby, lifts her head up and smiles sweetly. On other occasions, we reach out and lift up her head and help her to hold it in the position that is so natural for us. She is a little trooper and is getting stronger each day.  

She also clenches her hands (I must say I have seen great improvement and relaxation in her hands over the past year) and when she gets really happy it is just a sweet little reaction of happiness to clench her little hands tightly. When I was playing with her I would open her little hands and play with her fingers.  At times, she would reach up and stroke my face with her open hands which melted my heart. To get a Ruby hug is something really special.  

As I thought about precious little Ruby and her family on this 3-hour drive, I started thinking about our Father in heaven who desires to lift up our heads. "But You, O Lord, are a shield around me, you are my glory and the lifter of my head" Psalm 3:3. He wants to help us open our clenched hands and show us the way to reach out in love just as Ruby has learned to do. 

As I contemplated these Ruby lessons, a song came on the CD player in Zach and Tiffany's van.  It was a new song to me by Emerging Voices and a confirmation of my Ruby reflections. The title of the song is Who Can Compare?  https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/who-can-compare/id543630292? 

Here are some of the lyrics:  

"And You take my hand and You guide me on,
You show me the way to life
You lift my head and You give me hope
You show me the way to life.....
You are the way, You are the truth, You are the life."

I played the song over and over again as I drove along and the words blessed my soul. Thank you, Lord, for my Ruby lesson. You are "the glory and the lifter of my head" and You give us hope. You desire to take our hands and lead us step by step and teach us to keep our hands open to You and others.  

Oh, I am thankful for little Ruby, her big brother Isaiah and baby Lily and their mommy and daddy too.  

Baby Lily, we love you.  

Isaiah in his new Cars apron

Waiting for the Sun to Rise

It's New Year's Eve!  This special day tucked between Christmas and New Year's.  A day to tidy up, rest, organize, remember, make preparations and get ready to celebrate the new year ahead. 

Today I am praying about my goals and vision for next year.  I am remembering each of my children and their families in my prayers and I pray for the Lord to give them vision and focus for this upcoming year and for each new day.  

Speaking of goals, I have this picture hanging outside in my backyard and Zoe and I were reading it together this morning as we were snuggling in the porch swing.  She really liked the part about "eat a cupcake."  "Good idea, Granmommy!"

Yesterday morning, early, my granddaughter and I were waiting for the sun to rise and it seemed to take forever.  We both woke up before 5:30.  We kept looking as the sky was getting lighter and lighter but still no ray of sun until, finally, it poked through the low-lying clouds a little to the south of where we were fixing our eyes.  We were so excited to see the sun!

During worship at church on Sunday, there were two songs in particular that mentioned the rising of the sun.  One was You'll Come http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RmZFaruXhs 

"As surely as the sun will rise You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears. You'll come.   

Let your glory fall as you respond to us.
Spirit rain, flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come."

The second song was 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman (a favorite).  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jYLTn4fKYQ

"The sun comes up, It's a new day dawning,
It's time to sing Your song again.
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes."

As I sang these words with a voice that was hoarse and recovering from being sick, I was reminded of Zoe's and my quest to see the sunrise that very morning.  We waited expectantly and it seemed to take forever.  We laughed and talked about it.  "Would the sun ever rise?"  It was really special and significant to me as I felt the Lord reassure me that He will come and meet me and He is even more trustworthy than the sun He created.  His desire is to be present in our lives every day.  

One of my goals for 2013 is to meet Him in the morning, where "I can sing His song again and, whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, let me be singing when the evening comes."  

(Thank you, Matt Redman, for these beautiful words.  Sounds like a very good goal to me!)  

  

Christmas Trees

Christmas Tree 2012

I decided to take a little walk down memory lane tonight....

When it came to selecting our Christmas tree, our family liked to find a real tree and, if we could go cut it down, that was even better!  It was a family tradition to go and find the best tree we could for the money we had in our pocket at that moment.  I remember one year, Lonnie had to reinvent the tree "so-to-speak" by nailing in branches where there were big holes.  One year, we bought a tree too early in the season and had to go out and buy a new one around the 15th because our first tree was such a fire hazard (combination of heater and dry tree is not so good).  

While we were in Guam, as our friends were leaving, they gave us an artificial tree that they had kept on hand just in case a supply of trees did not make it to the island.  This tree had to be put together branch by branch.  It is color-coded and quite an interesting undertaking to get all of the branches fanned out, in place and looking pretty.  

So, for many years, Lonnie and I would put up a real tree in the living room and would find another room in our house to put up the "fake" tree.  This year, I decided to put this "fake" tree in the family room and I think that will be it.  As Zoe and I put each branch in its slot and saw the tree come together, it was kind of therapeutic.  Jubilee helped me with the lights.  

Jubilee helping with the lights

Lonnie always helped me get the real tree in the stand, straightened out (which could be quite interesting and sometimes even frustrating) and then we would decorate it together at first and I would do the finishing touches.  

I found a letter from Lonnie when he was deployed and he reminisced about our Christmas trees:  

"I guess if we had all the money in the world--we wouldn't have had as much fun.  Remember all the stupid contraptions I threw together to hold our Christmas tree up--just because I didn't want to buy a Christmas tree stand?  Buckets--sand--boards--O my!  Then all the hours I have spent in my life trying to convince you that the skinny, bare, rundown Christmas trees I got for a great deal are beautiful trees. You would always look at them and sigh, "Well--whatever."  But then you would provide the miracle of Christmas and each year you make our tree beautiful!" 

Lonnie's Letter

This is my first Christmas in my new home and, well, this year, Lonnie, I am putting up our good old stand-by "fake tree" and putting on our ornaments that we collected over the years including those you gave me on our last Christmas together.  Thank you for so many sweet memories and I hope you like the tree!  It's straight!  I couldn't imagine trying to put up a real tree and trying to get it straightened out without your being there to argue with me about whether it was leaning one way or the other.  Love you and miss you so much!  

At the end of Lonnie's letter he wrote:  

"This letter is a sample of what goes on in my mind over here.  I think about us all the time.  Why don't you write down in short phrases all of the good times you and I have had and then when we get back we can compare our lists.  

Hug all the kids for me -- I love you!!  

Always, Lonnie"

(Lonnie, I'm still working on that list....so many good things!)   

A Heart That Loves....

I have a treasure trove of sermons that Lonnie has written.  I sat down and read this one when I was actually looking for a Christmas play that he had written.   This sermon entitled "A Blessed Hope" was dated August 21, 2005, when we were in Alabama.  I love reading his words and His love for the Lord that is so evident.

Some nuggets, sermon notes "in his own words" (cryptic at times and at other times, not-so much):

The Bible--It contains the evidence of God's love--all about God's salvation story--He gave everything--paid the greatest price of all--because of His amazing love for us.

Creation--The wonder and the glory of creation speaks of God's love--we are surrounded by the evidence--there is a God and He cares about you.

Witnesses--The testimonies of those who have gone before, "My God is a faithful God.  He loved me and sustained me and I long to see Him face to face in glory."

Our Part--Invite Jesus into our lives, receive His gift of forgiveness, grace, love, acceptance and salvation--seek first His Kingdom--seek to live a life that brings honor to Him (knowing full well that it is only possible with His power and grace).  All we can do is say yes to what God wants to give.

His part--Given us many great and precious promises and He keeps every one.  Creator, Savior, Healer.  Sometimes when we are in the dark we need to remember what we have seen in the light.  

He leads us--(When we think we don't need God we stumble, go the wrong way, we become lost).  God gives direction as He reveals His purposes for our lives each day, one chapter at a time.  On-time God, always will be there right on time. (Proverbs 3:5,6) "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Faithful--forgiving--merciful--God's awesome grace--He will never give up on you!!!  This life is only the beginning--glimpses of glory, a shadow of things to come.  He has prepared a place for us--if we turn to Him, the Bible teaches us that He has prepared a place for us to rule and reign with Him throughout all eternity!!  God's awesome love--all about a relationship--His incredible desire to love His children.

At the birth of our first son Jeremy (my wife--long labor, very hard on me)--unexpected emotional rush--wow--life--creation--our son (eyes wide open).  This happened to me each time one of our children was born.

Huntington Library near Pasadena--beautiful place, art, gardens, Jeremy was in the stroller, just a little baby, and his finger became pinched in the stroller.  We couldn't figure out why he was in pain at first.  We were so sad that he was crying and hurt.  My son.

Father God loved the world, the people of the world, and me so much that He gave His Only Son--passion, Calvary, all about His love and desire for a relationship with us.  His Son, His Love.

The Impact of God's Awesome Love:  Psalm 145:6-9  "They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds.  They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.  The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.  The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made."

We are human, therefore, we need compassion (we were created with a need to be loved and cared for).

Years ago, in a far off place--I met this pretty, happy, special girl--she's cool and at some point I began to think that just maybe she thought I was cool, very uncommon--eventually I love you, then one day, yes I will marry you!  Overwhelming that someone could love me enough, accept me, love me enough that they would be willing to live the rest of their lives with me--the greatest feeling of all.  I trust my wife believes that she made a good decision, but at times I can be a pain--she just keeps on loving me--chosen to live the rest of her life with me.

God loves us and wants a relationship with us for the rest of eternity!!!  All of His power and glory, capable of anything--see His heart's desire to redeem, accept, embrace and love His children.  He wraps His arms around us--welcomes us into the realm of His unconditional love--impacts everything.  No matter how difficult the situation, we always know (God loves me).  Most important of all!

Relationship--God forgives us--Now we can have meaningful relationships with others, forgive, show compassion--marriage--life is all about forgiveness, acceptance and love.  We can express those qualities if we turn to the Lord and receive from Him His awesome love.

Perhaps the greatest effect the love of God has upon our lives is that we are irreversibly changed within our hearts so that we no longer live unto ourselves, but rather unto Him who died for us:  (2 Cor 5:15) "And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again."

An old Greek proverb asserts, "A heart that loves is always young."  (John 14:23 NIV) Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him and we will come to him and make our home with him."

As we accept God's love for ourselves, we find a desire growing within to not only love Him back but also to reach out to others in the same spirit of love.  God gives a wonderful promise to those who walk in such a spirit of love in John 14:23.  God comes and makes His home with those who love Him!  Invite the Lord Jesus into your life and rejoice today that God has made His home within you.  Renew your commitment to express your love for God to Him and to others.

Benediction:  Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  

(When I read the little part about me in Lonnie's sermon, it was sweet and touched my heart.  I miss this precious man.  I always will.  I love that he loved so well....  There are some things that just cannot be explained or understood.  So thankful we have "A Blessed Hope".)