What Lies Ahead?

While hiking Mt. Baldy late last month with my son and a friend as we continue to train for the Freedom Climb, I came to a place where there was a large rock and the trail seemed to disappear. I thought how life is like that. There are times when we have big rocks and boulders that seemingly block the path of our life, the path of our life in the way that we thought it would go.

I was up front for a little bit on this hike and I was clearly on a trail but up ahead: there was no path that I could see. I continued moving forward and upward towards that boulder, wondering if I was taking the right path or if I had missed something. As I continued on this journey up the mountain and climbed over the boulder, there was the path on the other side. 

Life is like that sometimes for us. We have boulders that seem to be blocking our way that we never expected and yet, with God's help and presence, we keep moving forward even though the journey is not clear to us. Sometimes it takes way more effort and strength than we ever could imagine, but that is when we remember that "when we are weak, He is strong". He is the One who helps us to move forward on this path of life, one step at a time, one day at a time. 

"Step by step He leads me and I will follow Him all of my days." This was just a simple reminder of His presence with us and He is leading us even when things are not clear. Lord, help us not to worry about the boulders ahead but to remember that you will help us as we take the step we are taking now and will see us over and through what lies ahead.

So thankful for Jeremy for hiking with his Momma!

Give Someone You Love an Extra Hug Today!

36 years ago!  Really? 36 years ago Lonnie and I were married!

It seems in so many ways like a lifetime ago and then in other ways like just yesterday.  He was fun-loving, full of life, loved God and his family with all of his heart. He took care of me so well from the beginning and I miss him. We miss him. 

Tiffany sent met this verse today: "He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of His people He will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken" Isaiah 25:8 (ESV). Thank you, Tiffany, for this fills me with hope and I rejoice in the resurrection life that we have in Jesus! 

I was reading about Mary, Martha and Lazarus today and how they sent word to Jesus regarding Lazarus saying, "Lord, the one You love is sick." I talked to God about how I knew He loved my husband when Lonnie was dealing with his health issues and was sick--"Lord, the one you love." I wish we had been able to comprehend that the combination of medication (Simvastatin) and Lonnie's low cholesterol could lead to serious side effects and harm. (The FDA has since added more warnings regarding statins). 

I will never really be able to put all the pieces of this puzzle together but I know God is the One who understands and is putting things right for all eternity. I trust Him and there is no other that I can turn to but Him. Daily I need Him and desire to know His heart and His love even when things happen that I don't understand.

Last Saturday I was listening to praise music and was thinking about how Lonnie used to talk about the "promise of His presence" in his sermons, prayers and conversation. As I contemplated this, I said those words out loud but very quietly, "The promise of Your presence." Just as I finished whispering them, a song  (Who Can Compare by Emerging Voices) came on and these words were softly spoken, "We love your presence, God." What a special, precious moment this was for me. 

Today, can I encourage everyone to give their spouse and loved ones big hugs and lots of love? 

Here are some things Lonnie used to say. He would tell his daughters that they were "pretty, pretty, precious, pretty, pretty!" and to his sons I would hear him say, "I love you and am so proud of you! Man, I love you!"

"Time for a run." "Do you want to go for a walk?" How he loved to get out and run and also walk with me. I think he would be happy that I am hiking and preparing for the Freedom Climb in Colorado this summer. 

A few more Lonnie-isms just for fun.  "Oh Man, what's wrong with my driving?" "If you see something on the ground, pick it up as you go--that's what my grandmother used to always say to me!" "Thank you for your support!" 

But above all else, "I love you!" 

"Love you bunches and bunches!" 

Grandaddy's Bible

One of Lonnie's Bibles has made it back into my hands.  When Lonnie passed away, my son Jeremy went to his dad's office and picked up one of his Bibles. Later as Jeremy inspected the Bible more closely, he noticed there was one Bible verse inscribed in my husband's handwriting on the front pages. Lonnie usually would have many references written in the front of his Bibles but this particular Bible had only the Isaiah 41:13 reference: "For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you."  

Lonnie had many Bibles through the years but I gave him this particular Bible on April 10, 1994. He started having trouble with his eyesight and tried to go for the longest time without wearing glasses. This Bible had larger print which was another way to keep from having to wear his glasses all the time. It was a running joke every time he went to get his driver's license, "Will I pass the eye test this time without wearing my glasses?" He would squint and somehow he always did!  

Back to the journey of this Bible, Jeremy related how he found this Bible and discovered the verse written on the front inside cover at Lonnie's memorial service in Germany. He said that his dad was his hero and he loved and honored his father so well that day. Jeremy kept the Bible for awhile and then passed it on to his brother Jason who is a minister and a chaplain in the Air Force Reserves.  

A couple days after I came to Japan to visit Jason and his sweet family including their little baby Edith Serenity who is a little over a week old now, he brought out a box of keepsakes and special things he had saved. He handed me his father's Bible and said, "I think you should have this. You gave it to Dad and you should keep it now."  

Jason, Sunnie and Edith

So I have it for now. There are many verses throughout the Bible that Lonnie has underlined. There was one message that he would remind us of as we traveled through life together with our family. As we moved with our children and prayed about God's will for our lives and our children, the message from Numbers 13-14 really gave him and the two of us inspiration. 

When I opened the Bible after Jason gave it to me, the page opened up right to that passage. Lonnie had underlined words, circled verses and written scriptures at the bottom of the page. 

Some of the circled verses included the following:  

Numbers 14:3 "Why has the Lord brought us to this land... that our wives and children should become victims?"  

Numbers 14:24 (following Joshua and Caleb's good report) "But My servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit in him and has followed Me fully, I will bring him into the land where he went and his descendants will inherit it." 

Numbers 14:31 "But your little ones, whom you said would be victims, I will bring in, and they shall know that land which you have despised."  

I am reminded of Lonnie's words that the best thing we could do is to follow the Lord and that He would take care of our children. He said we should never use our children as an excuse not to follow the Lord's leading. The key was to know that wherever God called us to go He would be faithful to provide and care for our children. We were not to let fear rule in our hearts but instead we should trust Him!

I am thankful for the wisdom my husband had as he led our family. How we all miss him! 

I will continue to look and read through the pages of Bibles and sermons and note the particular verses that Lonnie marked and loved. As I love and enjoy our grandbabies, I will and must remember to trust the Lord for these little ones and pray for our children and their spouses as they follow the Lord's leading in their lives and for their families. 

I love these precious grands and their parents so very much! God has been good to us! He is faithful, merciful and loving and He is with us each step of the way! He is holding us by His right hand saying, "Fear not, I will help you." 

Stella with Grandaddy's Bible

Facing Fear

Somedays you can be going through life and all seems well and good and then, all of sudden, you are standing at that cliff again. Thoughts come into your head and you are facing "fear" again. Panic and distress seem to overwhelm your soul. The other day this happened to me.  

When it did, I cried out to God, wailing my fears to Him and crying out for His help. My tears mixed with the waters that flowed in the sink. He was with me and helped me and calmed my fears.  He is our refuge and strength, our high tower.  We can run to Him and find safety and peace (Psalm 46:1).  

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words...What shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?...Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:26-39) 

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." (Isaiah 41:13 ESV)

I know I am covered by the prayers of others, my children and their spouses, my church family and dear friends. God's love and promise to be with me brings me hope for each new day. 

"Shoes Off"

Jubilee has the sweetest way of letting me know that she doesn't want me to leave when I am visiting her house. She will look at me and ask, "Shoes Off?" or she will say with authority, "Shoes off." If my shoes are off, she gives me the sweetest grin which makes me very happy!  

I was on a walk this morning and was thinking about how sweet Jubes is to show me her love in such a tangible way. Then as I continued in my thoughts, I remembered how God told Moses to take his sandals off as He spoke to him because where he was standing was holy ground (Exodus 3:2-6). Joshua also was commanded to take his sandals off his feet. Joshua was standing on holy ground before the awesome "Commander of the Lord's Army" (Joshua 5:13-15).  

Truly these men were in the presence of our Almighty God and where they stood was holy ground. Taking their shoes off was a way of showing honor and obedience and also signified that they were not going anywhere for awhile. They were going to be taking time in the presence of God. 

We also have the privilege of being in the presence of our awesome God everyday because Jesus made a way for us. Maybe if we listen carefully, we might hear our Heavenly Father say, "Shoes off?" or maybe even, "Shoes Off, take some time to honor Me and spend time with Me before you journey on your way today."  

Because of Jesus, we can "come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). He promised to "never leave or forsake us" (Hebrews 13:5) and He has "made known to us the path of life; in His presence there is fullness of joy; at His right hand are pleasures forevermore" (Psalm 16:11).  

When I hear those sweet words, "Shoes Off", they will always signify to me that someone wants me to spend time with them. Let's listen for our Father's voice as He says, "Shoes Off" to us every day.  

So cute!  "Shoes Off!"

Regrets and Encouragement

There are regrets I have in my life and I am thankful for the grace of God and my husband as well.  He was a chaplain in the Air Force and would deal with people who were walking through very difficult events in their life. When he came home at night, I loved to greet him at the door or at noon I would meet him on base and go to lunch with him. He always made me feel like that was the best part of his day, coming home and spending time with me.  

There is one particular thing that I did that I wish I could go back and change. Politics always interested me but in the last five years (maybe more) of our life together, I became a political "junkie" of sorts. I was pretty bad. I am one who loves to sew and quilt and as I would be working on some quilt or creation, I would often listen to "Talk Radio". I would get all engrossed in the big major political event or build-up to the next election and it filled my thoughts. It embarrasses me now to think of it. (I believe we need to know what is happening but I was over the top). Anyone who was my close friend or family member at that time will remember getting the latest political news or tidbit from me, always trying to keep everyone informed about the latest breaking political story.  

I would tell Lonnie the latest news as we reviewed our days together, "Did you hear so-and-so did this or said this?" Lonnie was not able to tell me many of his stories and conversations because he was a chaplain and there is the confidentiality issue. I remember Lonnie saying tenderly that I might be spending too much time on politics and that I was taking up many hours of my day worrying about things that I could not change. He encouraged me to pray and write letters and support causes I believed in but thought I should not invest so much time to it. He was right.  

So now I want to bring you up to this past week. I spent time with a precious young lady who is walking through great anguish and difficulty. She asked if she could come and meet with me. I was at work and I love having my Bible on my phone but I needed to have a "real" Bible, one where I could turn the pages and look for verses. My Bible was at home so I ran downstairs to my friend's office where there was a small pile of Bibles in the Lost and Found. I quickly picked up a Bible and carried it back upstairs.  

When I opened the front cover of the Bible I saw these words: Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I was needing encouragement. I desired and prayed that I would be able to share something that would bring comfort and strength to this beautiful young woman. 

I was stunned.  This is why. After Lonnie died, my son Jeremy went to my husband's office in Germany and he "randomly" picked up one of Lonnie's Bibles. When Jeremy opened the front cover of the Bible, the only verse that was referenced in that particular Bible was Isaiah 41:10. This was unusual because Lonnie usually referenced many verses on the front and back pages of his Bibles. Jeremy shared this verse at the Memorial Service they had for Lonnie in Germany and it has been a verse of promise for me over these past years of heartbreak and sorrow.  

By finding this Bible with this particular verse written clearly in the front, I knew God had just encouraged me in a way that would be very meaningful to me and I, in turn, would be able to bring His encouragement to this dear friend. This verse all by itself brings me more courage and strength than I could imagine and I prayed that it would minister to my sweet friend as well, more than any words I could have ever put together on my own.

You may wonder why I started with my regrets and then ended with God's encouragement. I am just thankful that God met me with words that would help me on my journey and asked me not to be dismayed (by politics or life events) but to know that He is with me and will strengthen and help me. So, I wish that I could have been more like Jesus when it came to my focus during that period of my life in the years prior to Lonnie's passing. I know God forgives me for using up so much time on things that could weigh me down and distract and He promised that if I "confess my sins He is faithful and just to forgive my sins" (1 John 1:9).  

I remember Lonnie saying to me once and, honestly, it makes perfect sense to me now, "I remember meeting that sweet little carefree girl from Montana. I just don't want you to be burdened down by the cares of the world." Lonnie was right. It's amazing how a drastic event in your life can bring such clarity.  

My prayer is that I will be an encourager and that I will fill my heart and mind with things that really can bring help and courage to others. I am thankful that God is our Awesome Encourager! The Best!  

Major Marshall

In early March my little puppy was born and Marshall came home to live with me eight weeks later. He is so funny and cute! When I first tried to take him for a walk on a leash, he was like a little marionette on a string, just kind of flopped around. He has certainly found his strength now as I try to teach him to walk beside me. He is getting big and strong.  

I am thankful for my Marshall. He helps teach me life lessons. Walking with him right now is a challenge. I, like Marshall, need to learn to walk with my Master and not try to pull ahead or drag behind, but learn to trust my Savior that His way is best.  Marshall trusts me to provide his daily food and water and he loves to play and spend time with me. Today I was playing the piano and he was just sitting at my feet chewing on his toy. He enjoys spending time with me and my family. (He needs to not jump up on us but he is still just a puppy)!

So, I am learning little lessons from this dog who keeps getting bigger and bigger everyday. I snapped this picture one day when I was having my devotions. Marshall was trying to get right up on the swing with me and get as close as possible. Another lesson: I want to get as close as possible to my Master as well. I know I can be a challenge at times to my blessed Redeemer. I am thankful for his patience and love.  

PS:  Marshall also is helping me to be a better neighbor. I have met so many of my neighbors and random people as I take my doggie for walks. They tell me all kinds of things which totally amazes me. Marshall, you're a keeper!